Shame, blame and guilt- powerful emotions that are often avoided suggests Kim, a Counsellor in Wrexham.

Feeling shame, blame or guilt are not easy emotions to live with, and very often we try hard to avoid them, by keeping busy for example.  However, although they may feel uncomfortable they can also be useful to us.  Shame often comes with idea that, “I am a bad person and can’t change”.  Guilt often comes with the idea that, “I did a bad thing”.  The difference between shame and guilt is that guilt can often motivate us to apologise or make amends.  Shame, ( “I am so stupid for doing that”), on the other hand, can lead us into blame and rationalisation, ( “well he was being an idiot, he deserved it”).  Blame (whose fault is it?) passes the buck.  Underneath the feeling of blame is often fear and the inability to deal with uncertainty.  Blame becomes a way of grasping for control and discharging discomfort.   If we can recognise when we are looking to blame and why; we can live more comfortably with it and ourselves.

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