Part 2 of exploring our difficulties around talking about our feelings, by Kim, a Wrexham Counsellor.

The idea of wanting/needing to connect with others (push) in a deep and meaningful way and the pull of wishing to remain protected  from others, a fear of getting hurt, is described by Arthur Schopenhauer in 1851 in the “hedgehog dilemma”.  For the hedgehog on a cold day, their choices are to huddle up to other hedgehogs and risk getting spiked by the prickles on the backs of the other hedgehogs, or to keep away, and be prickle free, but freeze.  There is a risk in seeking that contact with others for us and the hedgehog!  The courage to be vulnerable in front of another and trust that what you share and to whom you share it will not lead to judgments is not least among those potential fears.  However (personal and professional) experience has shown me that in being authentic has generally lead to positive responses from others and allowed them to be authentic too.  Authenticity begins with yourself-how honest are you being about what you think and feel?  What are your emotions right now?  Is there a safe person you could share these insights with?  Could you go a little deeper with what’s going on for you with this safe person on a more regular basis ( when X happened, I felt A and B)?  Be kind with yourself in exploring this new way of relating to others, you may well feel vulnerable at first and this will ease with practice.  Authenticity can lead to greater depth in your relationships with yourself and others.  Contact Kim for more details.