Misunderstandings in relationships and thence arguments usually come down to “not hearing” the other person, or the other person not feeling “heard”. This often happens as most of us communicate through filters. Filters affect what we hear, say and interpret. For example one filter is distraction, it prevents us focusing on what is being said. If you want to communicate something important find a good time and place where you can give each other your undivided attention. The emotion filter (feeling angry, worried or sad) can negatively affect what we hear/interpret as it is all tainted with the sadness for example. The fear of rejection filter can prevent us from saying what we really feel. Clearly expressing this emotion can aid the communication process just as it would in the emotion filter: “if I seem angry or distant, it isn’t you- it’s because I had a problem at work today and I’m preoccupied with it now” or ” I’m feeling quite vulnerable now that you may not like what I have to say and it also feels really important for me to speak to you about this”. Counselling with Kim may provide that space you need to communicate effectively with your partner.

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