In the previous part of communication mishaps I discussed how we each have filters which affect what we hear, say and how we interpret things. Of course the person we are communicating with has their own filters too; this is why sometimes what we say is not what is heard by the other person- and what we hear is not what is meant. Communicating is not without its pitfalls and perils! Misunderstandings can also arise when we have different styles of talking, perhaps leading to ambiguities or assumptions-if in doubt to the meaning check it out. We also see what we expect to see in others or in certain situations. Since we cannot mind-read it may pay to check out your assumptions of expectations/beliefs about others. Some of the biggest arguments couples have are about what was said in the past, each believing that their memory of it is the “right” memory. Rather than staying locked into this stalemate, shift it into the present: “I’m not sure what I said exactly, but what I meant to say was….”. Happy communicating!

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