When we are in conflict with our loved ones, we sometimes use words to intentionally hurt. Sometimes we use words which cause hurt which is not our intention. Finding out who is to blame and proving you are right and your partner is wrong leads to criticism which drives a wedge between you. Asking for what you need instead turns your criticisms into requests, for example, “you never spend time with me” could be turned into, “I’d like you to spend more time with me”. Adding to this “can we find a way to make this happen?” invites your partner into a discussion rather than a row. Good talking!